


Family

by midsomer4life, Neptunium134



Category: Midsomer Murders - All Media Types
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Bi Jamie Winter, Childhood Trauma, Found Family, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, See chapters for warnings, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-22
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:01:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 7,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26570314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midsomer4life/pseuds/midsomer4life, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neptunium134/pseuds/Neptunium134
Summary: Jamie's parents come to visit him in Midsomer, and bring with them secrets Jamie would rather left buried.What will John and Sarah find out about the young DS? And will Jamie finally find his family?
Relationships: John Barnaby & Jamie Winter, John Barnaby/Sarah Barnaby, Sarah Barnaby & Jamie Winter
Comments: 17
Kudos: 18





	1. A Surpise Visit

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! I'm Neptunium134, and I am so excited to delve into this fandom. I've been a fan of Midsomer for ages, and I finally get to write a fic for it!
> 
> My good friend midsomer4life and I have had this idea floating around for a few days and we've finally gotten around to not only writing, but publishing this story.
> 
> Anyway, enough of the ramblings and let's get on with the story! We hope you enjoy it!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been a quiet week in Midsomer DS Jamie Winter is greeted by a surprise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! We're Neptunium134 and midsomer4life, and this is our first collab. We had this idea and we really wanted to try it out, so we hope you enjoy it!
> 
> This will be an angsty fic cuz we love angst

There hadn’t been a murder in Midsomer county for a week.

Which was weird.

_Very_ weird.

Not that DS Jamie Winter really cared, the quiet week had given him and DCI John Barnaby a chance to finish case reports that usually got shoved aside during a case.

By 5pm on Monday, they had written, signed off and filed half of the tower of paper on Jamie’s desk, and they’d gotten to go home on time, which John was incredibly happy about, elated to be able to spend more time with his family.

Of course, he’d dragged Jamie back to the Barnabys’ with him and Betty had thrown herself at him, pulling Jamie to the dining table to show him the pictures she’d been drawing, and they’d lost about two hours of the evening doodling pictures with crayons, which Sarah then stuck up on the fridge.

By Wednesday they’d caught up on the case reports, bagged, labelled and filed evidence and sent the reports to the commissioner.

Thursday there had been a few burglaries and a noise complaint, but nothing uniform couldn’t handle.

It was Friday morning Jamie felt suspicious, there was never a quiet week in Midsomer, if there wasn’t a murder, there was usually some sort of other public disruption. The week before there’d been an arson attempt on one of the smaller manor houses, belonging to the CEO of an engineering company. It had been revealed the company were using child labour and embezzling funds and the uncle of one of the children had incited a riot, the rabble throwing blazing rags covered in paraffin and IEDs through the window of the house.

The fire department had been called, uniform had broken up the riot and detained the leaders. After hearing the reasons, the CID launched an investigation into the company, arresting the CEO and some of his key workers.

The DS sank into his seat, rubbing his hands over his face. He was incredibly tired, yet he hadn’t been doing anything all week.  
He pressed a hand to his mouth, yawning into his palm.

John quickly joined him with two coffees in hand. Jamie was about to ask him if Betty ever wanted to draw with paint (he saw a new art shop on his way to the office) when the secretary came in.

“Gentlemen? Sorry to bother you, but there’s a problem with our computers and we would need you to come and sign some things at the front desk, please.”

They did so with good grace and followed him to the CID entrance. Jamie had just finished his signature work that two figures appeared at the end of the corridor. One of them was a little blonde woman, grown up by stilettos; the other one was a tall man with brown hair dressed as if he was on his way to a fancy party.

Jamie’s eyes widened, and only one thought came across the DS’ mind: “ _OH SHIT.”_. Because he knew who these people were, and that was even worse than almost being killed multiple times in Midsomer; he did not like it, he did NOT like it.

Fortunately for him, the couple was looking closely at a booklet presenting Midsomer (“Midsomer: A haven of peace.”. What a joke.) and were still pretty much far away from him. Without a second thought, he turned to John, who was still signing his amount of papers :

“Cover me.”

“What?” asked John in a surprised tone. “Cover you from what?”

“Them,” Jamie said in a hurry, pointing at the now closer couple arriving at their direction. He hid in a near closet without even giving the time for John to see him.

“Excuse me sir,” called the woman. “Do you know where Mr Winter is?”

John turned to them, taking a second to observe them.

The woman had curly blonde hair, stunning blue eyes and a soft expression. The man, on the other hand, had spiky brown hair, dark eyes and a rather severe face. Both obviously rich, John thought, the lady’s jewels and the man’s Rolex weren’t fake. 

“Sorry, no. He took his day off.”

“Oh. No idea of where he could be?”

“No, he doesn’t always tell me where he’s going. And you are?”

“Oh excuse me, I completely forgot! I’m Mrs Rose Winter, and this is my husband-”

“Barnaby Winter." He cut off, already shaking John’s hand. "Pleased to meet you.”

“Me too, sir.”

“Could you tell Mr Winter that we’re here?” questioned Mrs Winter, softly.

“Rose!” exclaimed Mr Winter.

“Sorry, darling. It’s just that I can’t wait anymore! He’s our son, you see,” she said to John, “and we wanted to surprise him. I guess working here is not a lot of fun…”

“Fun would not be the word, ma’am,” answered John with a smile. “I’d rather say interesting.”

“Well, anyway. Thank you for your time, guess we just have to go back to the hotel, Barnaby?”

“Yes, honey. Good day to you, sir.”

“Same for you,” said John.

He waited for them to get out of sight before turning back.

“Winter? They’re gone, you can get out.”

The closet door opened slowly and Jamie peeked his head out, inspecting the corridor. After a few seconds, he completely got out of the small space and sighed in relief.

“Thank you, sir.”

“Winter, can you explain to me why you are hiding like that from your parents?”

“Long story.”

“In short.”

“A _really_ long story, sir.”

John cocked an eyebrow and Jamie scratched the back of his neck nervously.

“It’s, ah, not a discussion to have at work.”

John frowned, but let it go for the moment, turning to head up the stairs, just missing the way his DS winced and rubbed his shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nepuntium134: First chapter is up and done!
> 
> This is only the beginning folks, there's a whole world of angst to come!


	2. A very unfortunate event

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jamie babysits Betty, and the Barnabys drop a bombshell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written by midsomer4life

The two sat back down at their respective desks, booting up their computers.

Jamie checked his emails, frowning at the somewhat empty inbox on his screen.  
“Looks like we’re in for another quiet day, sir.” He clicked on an email, quickly answering DS Matthews’ question. 

“At work only, Winter. We would need you this evening.”

“What for?”

“Babysitting. Betty now refuses to have anyone else but you to do this, and Sarah and I would like to go out.”

Jamie felt flattered, he had always seen Betty has a sort of niece, and he heard from Sarah that Betty had started to refer to him as “Uncle Jamie”.

“Sure thing, sir." He answered with a small smile.

The afternoon had gone as quiet as the other days. Around 7 PM, Jamie was at the Barnaby’s house, (with paint for Betty) and John and Sarah had lent him a double of the keys. He cooked a small dinner for the both of them, and played some more with Betty. At 9 PM, the little girl was falling asleep on the table, and Jamie brought her to bed quickly. As he was about to say nightie-night, Betty grabbed his hand:

“Can you sing a song? Mummy sings me songs.”

Jamie thought for a second before muttering: “ _Oh, why not._ " He sat back on the bed next to her, and sang the latest song he knew:

“ _Eyes blue, like the Atlantic_

_And I’m going down, like the Titanic;_

_Eyes brown, dark and romantic_

_And I’m going down, like the Titanic;_

_Eyes red, vast and volcanic_

_And I’m going down, like the Titanic;_

_Eyes pink, gentle and charming_

_And I’m going down, like the Titanic;_

_Eyes grey, soft and metallic_

_And I’m going down, like the Titanic;_

_Eyes amber, warm and dramatic_

_And I’m going down, like the Titanic;_

_Eyes green, quite the enchantment_

_And I’m going down, like the Titanic;_

_Eyes hazel, sweet and dynamic_

_And I’m going down, like the Titanic;_

_Eyes black, mysterious and magic_

_And I’m going down, like the Titanic;_

_Eyes purple, deep and galactic_

_And I’m going down, like the Titanic…_ "

By the end of the song, Betty had fallen asleep. Jamie went down the stairs to have a coffee and maybe after a nap, but was not expecting to find the Barnabys looking bewildered, Sarah still with the key in hand.

Jamie felt nervous immediately. Not that he doesn’t like singing, he loves it, but aside from his room at his apartment, no one ever heard him sing.

“You...You’ve heard, didn’t you ?” He asked with fear.

“Yes.” Both of them answered, simultaneously.

“Jamie," started Sarah with determination. “Tell me you’re in a choir.”

“No?”

“Then you need to be. I know a very good one in Causton, they’d be very happy to have such a wonderful voice with them-”

“Sarah, thank you, but no. I sang because Betty asked, and I don’t like to sing in front of people…”

“Well, what the singing world lost, the police gained, huh?” added John with a smile.

“Is Betty asleep?” asked Sarah.

“Yes, the dishes are done and the toys back into their place.” acknowledged Jamie with relief.

“By the way, we met your parents!” Sarah said joyfully.

At this point, Jamie was on the verge to scream ' _WHAT?!_ ', but he thought about Betty. The only thing he could allow himself to do was widening his eyes as much as he could. He asked in a way he hoped seemed normal:

“Oh, yeah? So?”

“They seem to be very good people. We invited them to dinner.”

Jamie was speechless. He just stared into the void, mind empty, before his brain started to process the information completely. He asked very softly:

“You did _what_?”

“We invited them to dinner. They told us it was meant to be a surprise, but I know you well enough that you don’t like surprise social events.”

Jamie remained silent for a minute, thinking about all the possible scenarios and that he liked none of them before Sarah, who must have seen his face, questioned:

“What’s the problem ?”

“Nothing.”

“No, there’s something, what is it?”

“Nothing important. And even if there was a significant problem, you couldn’t dismiss it, they would hate you.”.

He sighed a bit before saying : 

“I should go home.”

Before the Barnabys could see him, he had already taken his coat and gone through the door.

Sarah turned to John, surprised:  
“Have I said something wrong ?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes by Neptunium134
> 
> Oof, cliffhanger!
> 
> Again, I've tried to edit as little as possible to keep the magic of midsomer4ever's writing.
> 
> Thank you to the readers who have decided to give this story a chance, we hope you enjoy it!


	3. The dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At the Barnaby-Winter dinner, things get a little heated...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Neptunium134: Welcome back guys! We're ramping up the angst in this chapter, so hold on to your seats!
> 
> This is the first proper half-and-half chapter we wrote, so if the writing style changes midway through, that's why.

The next evening, Jamie mentally prepared himself for what was coming all the way to the Barnaby’s house. Thinking back, this was the second worst thing that could ever happen to him: a Barnaby-Winter reunion. He took a deep breath before knocking on the front door; Sarah opened with her usual enthusiastic smile:

“Jamie, hi! Come in!”

There, in the living room, were standing Mr and Mrs Winter. Jamie thought a very quick “FUCK” before acting all surprised (as he wasn’t supposed to know).

“Mother! Father! What a surprise !” He exclaimed with a nervous smile.

Rose Winter came for a hug with the brightest smile on her face.

“Oh, sweetie, it’s so good to see you! I bet you weren’t expecting us, huh?”

“Surely not, Mother…”

“Son.” greeted Mr Winter with his usual severe expression.

“Father.” Jamie greeted back.

“Well, why not sit down to dinner?” proposed John with a knowing look to Jamie.

All agreed.

“ _Saved by the bell_ ”, thought Jamie.

After a delicious piece of meat with carrots prepared by Sarah and usual topics (“Yes, I’m a lawyer, my wife is a surgeon.”, “Oh really? What a horrible way to die!”), Jamie’s mother said casually:

“You know, darling, you’re capable of much more than this. We did send you to St. Joseph’s for a reason.”

Jamie let out a quiet huff, sitting back in his chair. 

‘ _Here we go._ ’ He thought.

It was the same every time he saw his parents. Admittedly, that was not often, but it always ended in a screaming match and Jamie trying not to cry in front of his parents.

“For the last time, Mother, I didn’t want to be a surgeon or a lawyer. I like my job, I like my boss and my work, I like helping people this way.”

“St. Joseph’s was incredibly expensive, James, we did not pay those ridiculous tuition fees for you to run around playing superhero in the Cotswolds.” Mr Winter chided, narrowing his eyes.

“I do not play ‘superhero’, Father, I am a detective, and I did start work in London, like you asked me to.”

“Before you went AWOL, and we got a call saying you’d disappeared.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Jamie saw John and Sarah exchange looks.

“That was personal business, I had to sort something out and I needed to be off-record to do so.”

“Two years, James. You were missing for _two years_. We were worried sick about you!”

Jamie snorted. “Seriously? You expect me to believe _that_? You were never worried about me, you never cared about me, all you cared about was having the perfect child to fetch and carry for you, to follow in your footsteps so you can show off to all your high-class friends so they’d stop bullying you.”

“Darling, that’s not true…” Rose started.

“Really? So you didn’t force me to go to some hoity-toity primary school that had links to Eton, so you could pretend you were some sort of aristocracy, just because Verity Gresham said you would never amount to anything, so you pushed all your expectations onto me because of some 18-year-old schoolgirl vendetta.”

Rose stuttered. “Well, I mean…”

“James, do not speak to your mother like that.” Mr Winter snapped at his son.

Jamie recoiled, almost folding into himself. He knew that tone of voice, he’d heard it far too many times during his childhood.

“We only wanted what was best for you. St. Joseph’s was a prestigious school, and all the students who left went to Eton, then onto Cambridge or Oxford. All, except-”

“All except me, I know, I know. I’ve heard it all before. You’re disappointed I didn’t want to go to Eton, disappointed that I chose Northumbria University instead of Cambridge, disappointed that I wanted to join the police instead of becoming a doctor or go into law, disappointed because you haven’t got a scrap to say about me at your cocktail parties with the crème de la crème of society-”

“ENOUGH.” Barnaby Winter slammed his hand on the table, plates and glasses rattling.

John and Sarah jumped, Rose flinched and then shook her head, and Jamie-

Jamie was frozen, eyes fixed on his father, breathing suddenly hitched in his throat yet heavy at the same time.

It was almost as if he was afraid of something-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Neptunium134: Big oof energy.
> 
> Like I mentioned before, this is the first 50/50 split chapter we've done, so I hope it fits okay!
> 
> We actually had a bit of a competition for the fight scene, where we both wrote a version and picked one to go into the story. I won't tell you whose version it is, have a guess in the comments :)
> 
> Surprisingly, this isn't even the angstiest chapter we have, and it almost certainly won't be the angstiest in the story, so stay tuned!


	4. Into the wolf’s mouth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tensions flare once again at the Barnaby-Winter dinner, and buried secrets come to light for both Jamie and his parents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Neptunium134: Who's ready for some ANGST?  
> This isn't even the angstiest chapter, those are coming soon.
> 
> Anyway, we hope you enjoy it!

As if he was afraid of those almost black eyes fixed on him, a silent threat beneath them. 

"Yes, Father. Sorry, Father." He mumbled, head bowed towards his chest.

Barnaby Winter frowned, but said nothing and sat back down, pulling his chair in.

He cleared his throat. "I apologise for my outburst, Mr Barnaby, but unfortunately sometimes a father has to remind his child about manners." He glared at Jamie, who shivered and curled in on himself more.

John raised an eyebrow. “Of course,” he replied coldly, not missing the look of panic that flashed across Jamie’s face.

Barnaby Winter picked up his fork and dug it into a floret of broccoli. “So how is James at work? He is doing his job right, isn’t he?”

“Well, yes, of course.  _ Jamie _ ,” John empathised, “is one of the best sergeants I’ve worked with, and I’ve worked with a lot.” He gave a short laugh.

“What does he do, exactly?”

“Y’know, I am here, you can ask me.” Jamie mumbled into his food.

Barnaby Winter sent him a glare. “Stop with the mumbling, James. I’ve told you a million times before, if you have something to say, you speak up.”

Jamie pulled a face into his meat, but didn’t say anything further.

John cleared his throat. “Well,  _ Jamie  _ does a lot of things. He usually gets all the information we need for the case, and he’s critical in talking to suspects. He does a lot of what I do, there’s little difference in the actual work.”

Barnaby Winter gave a hum of understanding. “I see.” He said, lifting his fork into his mouth.

“Have you got any friends outside of work, James?” Rose asked, cutting into her meat.

Jamie hid his groan with a swig of water. “Yes, Mother. I do.”

“Brilliant, when can we meet them?”

Jamie choked on his water. “Wha- no! No.  _ No _ .”

“Why not?”

“Uh, because, they’re busy! Busy people! You don’t wanna bother them-”

“James, proper English, please.” Barnaby peered over the rim of his wine glass.

Jamie rolled his eyes but repeated his sentence. “You don’t  _ want to _ bother them.”

Rose frowned. “You don’t need to have that attitude, James. We’re visiting you, having a lovely meal with your boss and yet you’re giving us an attitude. You’re twenty-nine, stop acting like a child.”

“I agree. James, stop slouching and sit up straight. We’re guests at someone’s house, act like an adult and stop being moody. How many times must we say this?” Barnaby Winter scolded.

Jamie shifted in his seat so he was sitting more upright, but refused to sit completely straight in a small act of defiance, giving his father a ‘try me’ look as he did so.

Barnaby Winter scowled. “James, we raised you better than this. Sit up straight, eat your food and show some respect to our hosts.”

“Raised me- ra- _ raised me _ ? You did not raise me to do anything! You paid some woman from a newspaper to do the dirty work while you went off to your cocktail parties and balls and charity fundraisers. You didn’t do  _ shit _ .”

Barnaby Winter sat back in his chair, face stony. “We did our best, James. You weren’t an easy child.” 

“Did your best?  _ DID YOUR BEST _ ? You did  _ nothing _ . As soon as you could, you got someone else to take care of me so you could go off and pretend that you were special at some fancy ‘do’ at whatever Hall was in-fashion that week.”

Rose put her fork down. “James, do not address your father like that. Show some respect.”

“I’ll show some respect when you show some consideration!”

“JAMES NICHOLAS DIGBY WINTER!”

Jamie flinched at the use of his full name. It was never a good sign when his middle names were brought out.

“That is enough. If you cannot behave, we will have to leave-”

“You realise I’m an adult, right? I don’t have to go anywhere with you. You can’t hurt me here.”

The words left his mouth before he’d even realised what he’d said.

His jaw dropped, and the clang of a metal fork hitting a porcelain plate filled the air.

He glanced over to John and Sarah, who were staring at him with a mix of horror and rage on their faces.

Jamie barrelled to his feet, his chair falling over in his rush to get up. 

“I-I-” He stuttered, stumbling away from the table.

He turned and bolted out of the house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Neptunium134: CLIFFHANGER TIME!  
> Where could Jamie have gone?
> 
> This chapter is the first in a series of us making niche references very few people will understand because we're nerds like that.
> 
> See you next for even more angst, it's only gonna get worse from here.
> 
> I will put a warning in the next chapter, the next two get really dark. Like, super dark. Be warned.


	5. The Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John goes after Jamie after he runs from the house

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Neptunium134: OKAY, QUICK WARNING BEFORE WE GET INTO THIS: there is a suicide attempt in this chapter and in the next one. If this is triggering to you at all, in any way, please DO NOT READ. 
> 
> This chapter is one of three which revolve around the same time period, and is also the first of 'how many chapters can Neptunium name after songs before midsomer4life calls her out on it?'
> 
> Again- WARNING FOR SUICIDE ATTEMPT

“WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?” Sarah exploded as soon as Jamie was out the door.

The Winters blinked.

“That, Mrs Barnaby, is what happens if you go soft on a child. They think they can do and say whatever they please.” Barnaby Winter shook his head.

“That was abuse, gaslighting and I don’t know how much else!” John exclaimed. “You took advantage of your own child, abused him to the point of him being terrified to do anything yet at the same time wanting to leave and get as far away from you as possible, leading to a very difficult situation.” John shook his head. “I’m going after Jamie, will you be okay here?” He asked Sarah.

“Of course, I’m going to have a little chat with the Winters about parenting.” Sarah lent her elbows on the table, staring down Barnaby Winter with an inferno in her eyes.

John grabbed his coat and phone and ran out the door, desperately dialling Jamie’s number.

The first call rang out, as did the second, third, fourth, fif-

John skidded to a halt on top of Stortford Bridge, a small footbridge near Willow Creek in the south of Causton.

A figure was standing in front of the railing, hands gripping the rusty iron of the handrail, head bowed and body hunched.

As he got closer, John caught a glimpse of familiar light brown curls and recognised his Sergeant’s light blue shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows.

His breath hitched in his throat as he watched Jamie lift his head up, empty eyes looking out into the Creek below. His once light blue eyes were rimmed red and had lost the sparkle he was so used to seeing when the DS was in the office.

His world stood still as he saw Jamie lift himself over the rail, still gripping the railing. 

Without thinking, he ran forward. “JAMIE! STOP!”

Jamie’s head snapped up and let go of the railing in surprise.

John could swear he heard screaming as he sprinted towards his Sergeant, leaning over the handrail and grasping Jamie’s wrist, the sudden weight of his DS- John noted just little there actually was- pulled John forward. The DCI clasped the railing of the bridge, still clutching desperately onto Jamie’s wrist.

His Sergeant struggled desperately against John’s grip, trying to pry the DCI’s fingers off his wrist, to make John let go and let him fall into the Creek hundreds of feet below.

Let him fall-

_ Jamie wanted him to let go. _

Just as he realized this, begging eyes looked at him desperately:

“Please...Don’t come nearer, you could fall too!”

  
In the moonlight, Jamie’s eyes had never been so blue; but nor had they been so shiny: he was crying silently.

“Never. I’m not letting you go.” John said with the most determined voice he could muster.

John gritted his teeth, planting his feet and grabbing Jamie’s arm with his other hand.

Jamie, meanwhile, had taken to just hitting at John’s hand feebly, the energy and fight completely drained out of him. He sagged against John’s hold when he realised John wasn’t letting go, and allowed the DCI to pull him back up onto the bridge.

John wrapped his arms around Jamie securely, holding the DS against him as Jamie sobbed into his shoulder.

His heart broke at the six words Jamie hiccuped under his sobs:

“Why didn’t you let me die?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Neptunium134: WE ARE RAMPING THE ANGST UP TO 100 NOW  
> You made it through this rollercoaster of a chapter, get ready for an even more angst-riddled ride next chapter.  
> Same warnings apply for next chapter, so please be aware.


	6. Sirens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jamie didn’t know where he was going, he just had to go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Neptunium134: OKAY, QUICK WARNING BEFORE WE GET INTO THIS: like the last chapter, there is a suicide attempt in this chapter. If this is triggering to you at all, in any way, please DO NOT READ.  
> This chapter is harder-hitting than the last one.
> 
> This chapter is one of three which revolve around the same time period, and is also the part of the 'how many chapters can Neptunium name after songs before midsomer4life calls her out on it?' squad
> 
> Again- WARNING FOR SUICIDE ATTEMPT

The cold air battered Jamie’s face as he ran.

He didn’t know where he was going, he just had to _go_. 

The DS let his legs carry him, sprinting down lanes and roads, through Temple Gardens, past the police station, past the train station, the bus depot, the fire station.

The wind whipped at his face, freezing his cheeks, making his eyes water and his nose run. He shivered with every step he took, his thin cotton shirt doing little to keep him warm.

He skidded to a stop at the edge of Stortford Bridge, the small footbridge near Willow Creek in the south of Causton, overlooking the fast-flowing river that bled into the Creek.

Jamie took a shuddering breath, walking over to the right-hand side of the bridge, the side of the river that was littered with flat stones that hikers used to cross the river.

If he fell-

He would land on one of those stones, and even if he didn’t break his neck upon landing, being splattered like strawberry jam would do it.

“ _I'm only seconds away from throwing it down and giving it up_ ,” Jamie mumbled, looking out over the creek.

“ _And I'm tired of trying and sick of the pain, sick of the lies and I'm sick of the games_.” He slammed his hands down on the handrail, gripping it, the iron rusting from its original grey-silver to a dirty orange.

The feeling of rust was rough on his palms, and he dropped his head down towards his chest.

“ _Figure it out in my brain, am I insane?_ ”

He let a few tears slide down his cheeks, the tears soon turning into soft sobs.

‘ _Sirens calling, ringing out in my head._ ’

He knew what his death would do to John and Sarah, and-

“Oh God, Betty. What about Betty?”

He placed a hand over his mouth to stifle his sobs. Oh God, Betty. What would it do to her? Could he do that to her? Could he be that selfish?

Selfish-

Selfishness was got him here in the first place. His parents' selfishness, that’s why he felt like this, right?

Or was it his own selfishness, not his parents'? His own selfishness to completely disregard everything his parents ever did for him, to do what he wanted instead of what was good for him? Was it easier just to blame his parents for his own selfishness?

He lifted his head to gaze out over the river, thoughts turned back to his parents one last time.

‘ _Look at the mess that we made, nobody came to clean it up. Nothing about us has changed, all of the love, and all of the luck_.’ He thought.

Letting out a sigh, he pulled himself over the edge of the railing, placing his feet on the stone underneath the rail.

“JAMIE! STOP!”

Jamie’s head snapped up and let go of the railing in surprise.

_And I'm falling, falling-_

He felt the air rush around him as he fell, the ground rushing up to meet him, getting closer and closer and -

‘ _And I hear the sirens calling_.’

Faintly he heard screaming, but he couldn't make out if it was him, or whoever was on the bridge through the rush of blood in his ears.

Someone grabbed his wrist and he rebounded, the sudden stop disrupting his downwards momentum. He panicked, struggling to get the person's fingers off him, to let go, to let him fall.

"NO! NO! LET GO! GET OFF OF ME! LET GO OF ME!" He screamed, words carried into the Creek by the west wind, away from the person. "LET ME GO, LET ME DIE!"

He felt the other person strain, attempting to pull him up. Jamie lifted his head, staring into the eyes of his DCI, John leaning dangerously over the railing.

“Please...Don’t come nearer, you could fall too!" He cried.

John's face morphed into a mixture of devastation and determination.

“Never. I’m not letting you go.”

Jamie let out another, cracked sob. He feebly hit John's arm, tugging his wrist out of John's monkey hold as best as he could.

John stubbornly refused to let go, instead tightening his grip on Jamie’s wrist. Jamie sagged against John’s hold, knowing there was no point in trying to fight against his boss. John had a very strong grip, which usually only came to light when someone he cared about was in danger.

He let John pull him over the railing and lead him away from the edge.

Jamie fell to his knees in the middle of the bridge, sobbing into his hands. He felt John wrap his arms around his waist, pulling him in closer to the DCI’s chest, John resting his chin on the top of Jamie’s head.

The DS turned his head, pressing his face into John’s shoulder as he bawled.

“Why didn’t you let me die?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Neptunium134: Someone called the Angst Queen?
> 
> I wrote this chapter, so I can give you a bit of an insight into the thoughts behind this chapter.
> 
> The title is a song by Markus Feehily, and I thought some of the lyrics fitted perfectly with Jamie's thoughts, so I used them. I highly recommend you listen to the song, it's a really good song. If it's in italics within a quotation mark or a single quotation mark, then it'll be a lyric from the song.  
> I used the ideology of 'sirens' in the same way I believe Mark is, as a sort of internal warning rather than an actual diegetic sound.
> 
> This chapter took a little while to write, not as long as some of the earlier ones, but I believe it's one of the longer ones. I may be wrong, though.
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoyed and we'll see you in the next chapter!


	7. Parenting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sarah has a talk with Jamie's parents

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Neptunium134: Congratulations! You made it through the angstiest chapters.  
> We're not out of the woods yet, though.

“WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?” Sarah exploded as soon as Jamie was out the door.

The Winters blinked.

“That, Mrs Barnaby, is what happens if you go soft on a child. They think they can do and say whatever they please.” Barnaby Winter shook his head.

“That was abuse, gaslighting and I don’t know how much else!” John exclaimed. “You took advantage of your own child, abused him to the point of him being terrified to do anything yet at the same time wanting to leave and get as far away from you as possible, leading to a very difficult situation.” John shook his head. “I’m going after Jamie, will you be okay here?” He asked Sarah.

“Of course, I’m going to have a little chat with the Winters about parenting.” Sarah lent her elbows on the table, staring down Barnaby Winter with an inferno in her eyes.

Rose Winter shifted uncomfortably in her seat, eyes boring a hole into her plate. She couldn’t lift her head to look at Sarah.

Barnaby Winter, however, raised his chin, meeting Sarah’s glare with his own icy stare.

“Mrs Barnaby, I do hope you’re not insinuating-”

“I am not insinuating anything, Mr Winter. I am merely concerned about your treatment of my friend.”

“As I said before, James was a difficult child. You’re a parent, you must know how hard it is to keep a child in line, to make sure they behave. James needed harsher encouragement-”

“If you laid a hand on Jamie-” Sarah growled.

Rose’s breath hitched. She glanced at her husband, who sat back in his chair, letting out a short laugh.

  
  


“You think I would beat my own child? What a fertile imagination.”

Rose shifted, still staring at her plate. Sarah  glowered at her.

“Oh, I’m sorry, Mrs Winter, are you finding our conversation too uncomfortable? I would have thought a surgeon such as yourself was used to uncomfortable situations.”

“How dare you speak to my wife like that!” Barnaby Winter slammed his fist down on the table.

“How dare you raise a hand to one of the best, kindest people on this planet. If you think you're parenting when you inspire sheer terror in his eyes, then you should never have been parents at all. The only thing I could ever thank you for is giving birth to Jamie because he's nothing like you; he's profoundly kind, caring and has something you'll never have- a heart.” 

Rose paled and Barnaby Winter’s face reddened.

“Mrs Barnaby, we raised our child the way we thought was good!” Rose quivered under Sarah’s glare. 

“YOU'RE NOT RAISING HIM IF YOU SCARE HIM! THE ONLY THING YOU ENDED UP DOING WAS TRAUMATIZING HIM! DEAR MRS WINTER, I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT I'VE KNOWN HIM FOR 2 YEARS AND HAS PROBABLY GIVEN HIM MORE AFFECTION THAN YOU EVER DID FOR HIM!” Sarah screamed.

Rose whimpered but didn’t say anything else. Barnaby Winter snarled and opened his mouth to retort when the phone rang.

Sarah shot them a look as she answered the phone. “Yes?”

Her husband’s voice can through the speaker. “I found Jamie, you need to get the Winters out of the house before we return.”

Sarah frowned. “Of course. How long will you be?”

“No less than half an hour.” Then the line went dead.

Sarah put the phone down and turned back to the Winters.

“I think you need to leave.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Neptunum134: This is the last chapter I've fully written. The last lot are written by midsomer4life, so you don't have to put up with any more of my nonsense, heh.
> 
> Sorry for the short chapter, this was more of a filler chapter for the next angst one. I know it's short, I apologise.
> 
> We are coming to the end of the story, though, just a few chapters left then this angstfest will be over!
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoyed and we'll see you in the next chapter!


	8. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Jamie head back home, and the Winters finally leave

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Neptunium134: This chapter was written by midsomer4life
> 
> This chapter isn't as angsty, the next one will be angstier though!

It was only at this moment that Rose Winter spoke up.

“Where is my son?” she asked with fear in her voice.

“With my husband.”

“But where is he? Is he okay?”

“Yes.”

‘ _At least she cares a bit more for his well-being._ ’ Sarah thought. 

Actually, Rose seemed the only one of the pair to be scared for Jamie. Her blue eyes (an exact replica of Jamie’s) were slightly widened with worry. 

Mr Winter, on the other hand, had laid back again on his chair and seemed more annoyed by the situation. 

Was this the first time? Have they been in the same situation before, waiting for their son to come back after an argument because he had nowhere else to go, barely showing fear for their child's well-being? 

And if yes, what happened next?

While she was thinking, Sarah must have been staring at Barnaby Winter involuntarily, because he looked at her with his usual disdain.

“Something to say?”

“There’s a lot of things I’d like to say.” She scowled.

  
  
  


Meanwhile, kilometres away, John’s car was driving through Causton silently. Neither he nor Jamie said a word, until John said softly:

“They won’t be here anymore when we get back. And as long as Sarah and I are in this house they won’t come back, I tell you that.”

He heard a faint “Thank you” next to him. At a stop at a crossroad, he dared to glance to Jamie: he had placed his hands on his arms and was moving them regularly, out of stress or cold; often running a hand through his hair. The thing that bugged John were his eyes, the little sparkle wasn’t back yet.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

John’s psychology degree dabbled back  straight into his mind; automatic response, monotone voice. Probably said a lot of times; always a lie. 

By the time John’s train of thought came to its end, they were in front of the Barnaby’s house. He turned to Jamie, who was still looking in front of him.

“Hey.”

At last, Jamie decided to look back at John. He kept the eye contact for an instant, before smiling softly:

“Let’s go home, Jamie.”

For the first time that night, the young man’s eyes regained a bit of their usual energy. He nodded, and they both got out of the car.

They reached for the front door, but before John could even open it, they heard screams, angry ones at that. 

John opened the door, and the first thing he heard was his wife’s voice shouting:

“GET. OUT. OF. MY. HOUSE!”

Barnaby Winter was trying -hopelessly- to calm her down, while Rose Winter kept looking back and forth between the two of them, probably asking herself if she should stop them or not. Then she saw Jamie, immediately she walked three steps in his direction (therefore stopping sharp the homerical argument). She tried in an almost whimper:

“Sweetie?”

But she quickly backed down before her son’s look; without knowing it, he almost looked like his father when he’s angry. Barnaby Winter just shot a look at Jamie before asking:

“So?”

“This is it.” Jamie answered in a croaky voice.

“What is?”

“I submit. I’ll go where you want me to be.”

John and Sarah’s faces turned into a mix of surprise and anger.

“I’m tired of all of this.”, he continued. “I’m tired of always running away. And I’m tired of you being on my back about things that could make you proud. So I’ll do them, but after that, you'll have to leave me alone.”

“That seems to be an equitable deal.” agreed Mr Winter.

“No.”

This was probably the scariest thing John ever heard his wife say. Even when she was mad, she never had that kind of voice.

“And why is that?” asked sharply Barnaby Winter. “He just agreed to do so.”

“Are you deaf?” interrupted John. “He said he was tired of you. Basic psychological defence mechanism: the deal; if I do this, then you do that and the problem is solved. So my wife is right, no, he’s not going anywhere.”

Barnaby Winter seemed disappointed but not surprised. He opened his mouth to speak but John cut him off:

“And before you try to defend anything, I’ll let you know that when someone is guilty of a crime, I always find the perpetrator.”

“Moreover, I am head of the historical department at Causton Museum, which gives me access to numerous weapons, especially swords,” Sarah added. “We wouldn’t like anything to happen to it, would we, John?”

“Surely not, Sarah, anyways, we have a lot of work to deal with these days, a burglary at the museum really isn’t of much relevance…”

All the while, they’ve been looking the Winters dead in the eye. At last, Barnaby Winter had lost his disdainful face, and Rose had her eyes so wide you could swear they were about to fall out.

“Barnaby, I think we should get back to the hotel.”

‘ _ Wisest thing you’ve said all night, Ma’am, _ ’ thought John.

“Y-yes, I think we should.” agreed Mr Winter in a shaky voice.

The couple made their way to the door, quickly grabbing their coats. Rose Winter stopped a second to look at her son, before getting closer and murmuring:

“James- I mean Jamie, you know I love you, right?”

Jamie didn’t answer. He looked in his mother’s eyes, the pair silently talking. Rose nodded and joined her husband to their car. Before going through the door, she looked at her son and smiled sadly one last time. 

Then the car started and they went away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Neptunium134: Again, slightly more of a filler chapter but at least we've gotten rid of the Winters.
> 
> Um, so actually, we've finished writing this story already, but good news, there's still two chapters left, heh. Or bad news, depending on how you want to look at it.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, and we'll see you in the next chapter!


	9. The truth comes out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With the Winters finally gone, Jamie can finally open up about his past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Neptunium134: This chapter was written by midsomer4life
> 
> The angst is back! Get ready for some childhood trauma. Warnings for child abuse and trauma

After the departure of the Winters, they all remained silent. Sarah looked over John, then Jamie; both having a half-relieved, half-angered expression. She suddenly noticed the strange orange traces on Jamie’s hand, as well those on John. Rust? What could have they touched that had rust on it-

_Oh. OH. OH!_   
Sarah was quick to understand. ‘ _Please no…_ ’

The bridge by Willow Creek. For a healthy young man, it was the nearest he could’ve gone… 

She hesitated, before asking quietly:

“Jamie?”

Jamie turned his head. Sarah looked back and forth between his hands, John’s hands, and him.

“Tell me you didn’t….”

Jamie lowered his head in response. While approaching, Sarah saw a tear, then two rushing down his cheeks. She hugged him tightly, her chin only resting on his shoulder.

“Oh, Jamie… I’m so sorry,” she reassured him softly. She could feel small spasms coming from him. “Come, we’re gonna sit down.”

The trio sat on the sofa, Sarah resting a hand on Jamie’s shoulder, John sitting next to him and Jamie wiping away his tears with the back of the hand.

“Jamie, I know it’s a lot to ask, but I would need to know what your parents did,  _ exactly _ ,” asked John with an empathic smile.

Jamie took a deep breath in.

“Since when?”

“Since always.”

“You’ve heard most of it during the evening. Never here, always paying someone else to take care of me. My mother always thought that I could do better; my father always was antipathic towards me. The rare times where I saw them, it pretty much ended with a screaming match every time.”

“Has it ever gone as far as tonight?”

“Yes. Five times. The third one, even further.”

“What do you mean ?”

“It’s…” he paused for a second, breathing in deeply. “It was my father. He had drunk a lot that night, and-”

“Did he hurt you?” interrupted Sarah. “If he did, I swear I’ll see him in court.”

“He-he dislocated my shoulder.”

“HE WHAT?!” yelled the Barnabys simultaneously.

“John, we surely can charge him for child abuse.” started Sarah. “I have a friend who’s a lawyer, I’m sure she can help us.”

“We could,” answered John.

Jamie cleared his throat.

“Yes, sorry. We'll let you finish.” apologized John.

They turned back to Jamie.

“After that, I’ve been actively avoiding them. After primary and high school, I chose Northumbria over Oxford or Cambridge, because I simply didn’t want to go there. I had friends there, completed 2 Masters with a Distinction and came back to London. It was even harder not to see them here, as they worked in the City. Those...were not happy years for me.”

“Why?”

“Because they wanted me to “fit in”. They strongly disagreed with who I decided to be, and…”

“...And ?”

“No, I should rather not speak about that.”

“Jamie, you know you can trust us. If you don’t want anyone else to know, we won’t tell,” said Sarah.

“Because I’m bisexual. They hated that.”

He had blurted out his last sentence. John and Sarah looked at each other, a bit surprised.

“Jamie, to be fair, we were suspicious about for a very long time.” assured Sarah.

Jamie looked at them with a bewildered face.

“You what?”

“We already thought so.”

Jamie stared into the void for a moment before slowly nodding.

“Okay… Wasn’t expecting that but okay…”

“Continue.”

“Yes, my London years weren’t very happy because of this and the doubts I had about it, depression and severe anxiety. For several months, I faced a lot of suicidal thoughts-and-and-”

While explaining that, his breath had fastened, more and more so that he couldn’t breathe by now. He gasped for air desperately. John recognized it: 

A panic attack. 

He immediately took Jamie in his arms in a strong hug, and ordered in a soothing voice:

“Jamie, it’s okay. You’re safe. It’s not happening. Breathe, I know you can. Deep breaths. It’s okay.”

He repeated the process until he felt the young man breathe deeply at a normal pace. When he was certain it was okay, John loosened his grip. Jamie sat back with a guilty look.

“Sorry.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry for, it’s not like you can control those things,” reassured Sarah.

“Let me guess some things. About the 2 years AWOL; was it going somewhere, a safe place?” said John. “To heal?”

Jamie nodded. Then, without a warning, he began to sob uncontrollably. John put his arms around him, allowing him to rest his head on his shoulder while Sarah did soothing circles on his back with her hand.

‘ _ Years, _ ’ John thought. ‘ _ It must have been years he hadn’t let it all out. _ ’

Several minutes later, Jamie had calmed down a bit. 

Sarah proposed (well, it was more of a statement than a proposal) he stay the night in the spare room. 

After a hot shower and loaned clothes, they all said nightie-night and went to bed. 

Paddy the dog, who ran for cover at the first screams earlier, came into Jamie’s bed, whining softly. 

In the end, they both stayed together until the next morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Neptunium134: We're nearing the end of the story, folks, the last chapter will be up tomorrow!
> 
> This is the last angsty chapter, the next one is pure fluff!


	10. Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jamie finally finds his true family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Neptunium134: This chapter was written by midsomer4life
> 
> So, here it is. The epilogue, where we finally fulfil our brief and terminate the angst express.
> 
> Before we get into the chapter, we would both like to thank all of you for reading, commenting and leaving kudos. This has been a rollercoaster ride from start to finish and it has been a joy to share with you. Thank you all so much.
> 
> On to the final chapter!

Two days later, John and Sarah came to find Jamie at his flat. Sarah had insisted that he lent her a double of the keys, just in case. They entered the place and were welcomed by… music?

John recognized the characteristic sound of a violin coming from upstairs.

It was a wonderful melody; a mixture of lots of famous songs, coupled with a sub-melody he had never heard before. The song ended, and _The Fly Of The Bumblebee_ by Vivaldi started. They followed the music and arrived at a small room with a piano and drums. Jamie was sitting on a stool, eyes closed, concentrated on the track. His arm and fingers were moving in a flash. They waited in wonder until he played the last note. Jamie opened his eyes and reddened as soon as he saw them.

Ten minutes later, the three of them were walking on a parking lot towards a huge building.

“Sir, _why_ don’t you tell me where we’re going?” Jamie asked.

“Because it’s not a surprise if we tell you!” answered Sarah.

They passed through corridors until they reached an office. A man in his early fifties was apparently waiting for them.

“Ah! Mr and Mrs Barnaby, you’re perfectly on time. Well, the documents are all ready, we just need your signatures. Mr Winter, you first?”

“Why on earth would you need my-”

He stopped short when he saw the title of the papers. _Change of legal guardian_. His jaw dropped.

“Jamie. We discussed it a lot, John and I, and we are perfectly sure about our decision.” started Sarah.

“We both know that it’s a very hard decision to take and-” continued John.

“Yes.” Jamie cut off.

John and Sarah looked at each other in surprise.

“Sorry?”

“Yes. I agree. I’m signing.”

All of them went silent for a moment. Then Sarah started to beam with joy, and John had the brightest smile on his face.

  
  


When they came back for dinner at the Barnaby’s house, Jamie Winter was still Jamie Winter (he didn’t want to change his name); but the difference was that he had people to truly call family. 

Family, again.

  
  
  
  
  


**THE END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Neptunium134: So.... this is it. The final chapter done and dusted.
> 
> It seems a shame, we finished this almost a week ago, and it's been strange not screaming at each other to write the next chapter, or sending ideas at 2am in the morning. I've actually had time to do my homework, believe it or not, heh.
> 
> Like I said before, this has been one hell of a ride and we're so pleased we were able to share it with you. From the bottom of our hearts, thank you all so much, your kudos and comments have meant so, so, so much to us. We were physically squealing everything we got a comment or a kudo, so thank you all so much!

**Author's Note:**

> Neptunium134: Heh, you may have seen a difference in writing styles in this story, but it's a collab, so we're gonna get that, but I think it adds to the allure of the story.
> 
> I've tried to keep the editing as light as possible, I don't wanna take away any of midsomer4life's writing charm, so if any of my reoccurring readers are here, you will see quite a large difference between our writings, and my other works.
> 
> As the tags say, I will be updating the tags as the story goes on, we're impulsive writers, we have a basic plan, but only a few bullet points on Tumblr. We're making it up as we go along, so join us for the ride!
> 
> Welp, hope you enjoyed the first chapter and we hope to see you in the next one!


End file.
